Author: Dr. Brad Lebo

Daniel Goleman (@DanielGolemanEI) tweeted last week, “When leadership is devoid of empathy and emotional intelligence, the result is not efficiency, it is a cold, harsh, unsustainable power.” Hard to say it better.

But what does it mean? My interpretation focuses on a couple (okay three) of his words: empathy, emotional intelligence, and unsustainable.

We’ve known lots of leaders with empathy who struggle to convey that empathy to the people they lead. It’s not that they lack empathy as much as it is difficulty expressing the empathy they feel. That’s where emotional intelligence plays a role. Knowing how and when to communicate empathy is an attribute of emotional intelligence. Our advice to leaders who feel empathy but keep it to themselves is to risk showing others your concern and compassion without fearing doing so will erode your power. That fear is misplaced and you are more likely to see your influence increase as you express your empathy.

The word sustainable deserves special attention because we’ve known many leaders who are effective while being cold and harsh when leading. Indeed, they may have distinguished themselves and be held in high esteem for their “no-nonsense, bottom-line, take no prisoners” leadership. The trouble is this type of leadership is more often than not unsustainable over time. Follower’s resentment of being treated coldly and harshly builds. All but the most hardened followers, leave for other opportunities. While being cold and harsh may work in the military (think drill sergeant), in the business world, people have options, particularly top-performers (the kind you want to keep).

So, we’re back to the importance of empathy and emotional intelligence when leading over the long-haul. Daniel Goleman has studied leadership extensively. Can you benefit from his study and do a better job sharing your empathy with those you lead?

The quotes:

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“Sing a little Kumbaya: While love and leadership are certainly two words you don’t often hear in the same sentence, I can assure you that rarely does great leadership exist without love being present and practiced. In fact, if you examine failed leaders as a class, you’ll find that a lack of love, misplaced love, or misguided love were [sic] a contributing cause of said failures, if not the root cause. Empathy, humility and kindness are signs of leadership strength – not weakness.” ~ Mike Myatt

“Lead me, follow me, or get out of my way.” ~ General George Patton

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Mike Myatt (10/18/2012) from: https://www.forbes.com/ sites/mikemyatt/2012/10/18/15- ways-to-identify-bad-leaders/ 2/#5296c74f737c

George Patton (unknown) from: http://seapointcenter. com/worst-popular-leadership- quotes/

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As always, let us know if you have questions…

The content this week contains thoughts on Leaving Subordinates Hanging.

The emergence of email and text for routine communication has made it easier for a boss to leave his/her subordinates hanging. In other words, it’s easier than any time in history to not respond to a question or request for comment sent via email/text. It’s certainly easier to not respond than when a question or request comes up in-person during a conversation.

I suspect most of us have sent emails or texts that aren’t answered. Or, if they are answered, they do not address the issues raised.

What happens if this happens often to you and it’s your boss who is the culprit? Most likely, you become less engaged in your work on an emotional level. It’s hard to do otherwise when one feels ignored or unappreciated.

If you’re the boss, this reaction is good to keep in mind.

As a boss, you are well served by the advice to never leave your subordinates hanging. More than anything else you do, maintaining the level of engagement of your subordinates offers the highest return on your investment of time and energy at work. It is the leverage unique to people who manage others–where that is their primary role (not as an individual contributor).

Bosses who are task-oriented (vs. people-oriented) will have a harder time adopting the rule of never leaving subordinates hanging. My guess is you know if this is you (because, for example, you will have heard from people at home that you don’t express your appreciation enough). Make the effort to not leave people hanging–it’s worth your time and energy.

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The quotes:
“A person who feels appreciated will always do more than what is expected.” ― Unknown

“Always treat your employees exactly as you want them to treat your best customers.” ― Stephen Covey

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Unknown (7/8/2014) from: http://extramadness.com/post/91149490428/more-quotes-about-life-here

We all have an ego. What an ego is, can be confusing. One way to think about ego is that it is the part of ourselves we allow others to see. It’s our public face or what we share publically after mixing our raw impulses with our sense of what is right and proper. For example, you might feel like screaming at someone in anger but hold back from because you judge that would be wrong and instead, give the person a “stern talking to.”

As people get to know us and observe us reacting to situations, they start to think of us in terms of our ego. If we seem to put our needs ahead of everyone else, we are labeled as having a “big ego.” On the other hand, if we consider the needs of others as, at a minimum, equally important as our own, we are not thought as egocentric or egotistical. In other words, if we are not overwhelmed by our own impulses and include the needs of others in our evaluation of what we should do that is right and proper, we avoid appearing egotistical.

With that background, we can turn to the three main ways ego can get in the way when you are a leader.

Way one: giving in to the need to be important. This can appear as showing off or trying to be the “smartest guy in the room,” or the one with all the answers. This need gets in the way of others expressing themselves. If you find yourself always offering the solutions or having to have the last word, consider how your ego may be driving you and how it might be interfering with others offering ideas. Temper your ego to welcome the diversity of ideas that come in its absence.

Way two: giving in to the need to control others so mistakes won’t lead to criticism of you. This need leads to micromanaging others. If you find yourself trying to control others for fear of their making mistakes or doing something “wrong” be wary. If you find yourself always blaming others when things go wrong, definitely be wary–your ego is at work. Mistakes happen and having too much ego in the work always makes them worse and undermines the lessons to be learned. Temper your ego to learn as much as you can from mistakes.

Way three: giving into the tendency to personalize feedback and make it about you being beyond criticism. Everyone can get better. Constructive criticism can help everyone but not if ego gets in the way while protecting one’s sense that one is above criticism. The impulse, in this case, is usually fear of disapproval or rejection. The reduced insistence on what is right and proper is seeing oneself as benefiting from criticism on the path to improvement. Temper your ego to benefit from criticism–especially when it is delivered from a constructive stance.

As always, we are ready to discuss these ideas with you and to answer any questions you may have about them. No doubt they are imperfect and can be improved. Hopefully, they also provide you with some insight into how you might improve your leadership behaviors.

The quotes:

“Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called ‘Ego’.” ― Friedrich Nietzsche

“Avoid having your ego so close to your position that when your position falls, your ego goes with it.” ― Colin Powell

“I’ve got no ego; I just like to have thousands of people write to me and tell me how wonderful I am.”  ― Jim Beaver

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Friedrich Nietzsche. (n.d.). BrainyQuote.com. Retrieved June 29, 2017, from BrainyQuote.com Web site: https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/f/friedrichn103584.html

Colin Powell. (n.d.). BrainyQuote.com. Retrieved June 29, 2017, from BrainyQuote.com Web site: https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/c/colinpowel138121.html

Jim Beaver. (n.d.). BrainyQuote.com. Retrieved June 29, 2017, from BrainyQuote.com Web site: https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/j/jimbeaver562275.html

Good to Great by Jim Collins is a classic business book. Its lessons are timeless for anyone trying to run a department or a company.

No summary is adequate for conveying all the book has to offer. It’s a worthy read from beginning to ending.

That said, here are a couple of our takeaways:

1. The best companies attend first to getting the right people in the right positions. They don’t pull the trigger on a hire when they have doubts, they hire based on character, not skills or educational credentials, and they put their best people on their biggest opportunities not their biggest problems. THIS IS CHALLENGING ADVICE TO FOLLOW based on our work with clients. That does not mean it’s bad advice.
2. The best companies drive alignment by conveying their value proposition to the market in a simple message for both internal and external consumption.
   The best companies esteem discipline.
3. That is, the best companies become cultures of self-disciplined individuals who work toward meeting clear expectations set by the organization.

Let us know if you have questions or would like help sorting through the challenge of hiring the right people.

The quotes:

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“A company should limit its growth based on its ability to attract enough of the right people.” ― James Collins

“The moment you feel the need to tightly manage someone, you’ve made a hiring mistake.” ― James Collins

“What separates people, Stockdale taught me, is not the presence or absence of difficulty, but how they deal with the inevitable difficulties of life.”  ― James Collins

To be mindful you have to overcome at least two seemingly natural tendencies: the tendency to judge ourselves and others and the tendency to see threats even where they don’t exist.

Both of these tendencies are rooted in the emotions (fear, anger, etc.) and are thoughts the emotions drive. Whether it’s judgment or seeing threats, it’s important to note that they spring from emotions.

It’s important because the “antidote” to these tendencies is SOOTHING the emotions. That’s where mindfulness comes in. By focusing on the present and letting go of judgment and threat detection, the emotions are less likely to gain traction and take over.

Still, the emotions are always ready to take over and that’s what makes mindfulness hard–it seems like fighting your own natural tendencies.

With practice, these tendencies can be reduced to manageable forces but only practice will rein them in.

Understanding what you’re up against (seemingly natural tendencies to judge and catastrophize) is a step on the journey to mindfulness (that is LESS HARD).

Let us know if you have questions…

The quote:

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“And now that you don’t have to be perfect, you can be good.” ― John Steinbeck

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Dr. Travis Bradberry wrote a LinkedIn article¹ entitled 7 Core Beliefs of Great Bosses. We’ve taken a little license with his thoughts and come up with five slightly modified beliefs for your consideration.

Employees are unique individuals, not clones. This is a critical belief for several reasons. First, it paves the way for individuals to aspire and achieve in areas that play to their strengths and passions. Clones do not have that freedom. Second, people who are seen as individuals and are encouraged to contribute in their own special way, make better employees in the sense of engagement and loyalty. They are more likely to be all-in than anyone treated as a clone.

Diversity, not like-mindedness, should be embraced. Diversity in perspective and interests makes for better decisions at all levels. It’s not always as smooth or conflict-free or comfortable as those organizations that insist on like-mindedness but it makes for better processes as well as service and product offerings.

Work should be enjoyable. It’s the only way to raise employee engagement to above average levels as well as retain top performers.

Motivation, is better in the long run, coming from inspiration, not fear. Fear works as a motivational tool but it has an expiration date. Sooner or later, people motivated by fear get fed up or fatigued. Either way, they leave, usually in correlation with their value to the organization–the most valuable leaving first.

Change is an opportunity, not a curse. This may be the most challenging reframe that any business leader has to deal with. Again, change is not always smooth or conflict-free or comfortable but it’s an opportunity for those who embrace it. Just reflect on those organizations that haven’t changed with the times. They don’t always fail but they always pay a price for dragging their feet.

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The quotes:
“The best leader is the one who has sense enough to pick good men to do what he wants done, and self-restraint enough to keep from meddling with them while they do it.” ― Theodore Roosevelt

“A leader is admired, a boss is feared.” ― Vicente del Bosque

“A Harvard Medical School study has determined that rectal thermometers are still the best way to tell a baby’s temperature. Plus, it really teaches the baby who’s boss.” ― Tina Fey

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¹Published on December 14, 2016:  https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/core-beliefs-great-bosses-dr-travis-bradberry

Vicente del Bosque. (n.d.). BrainyQuote.com. Retrieved May 25, 2017, from BrainyQuote.com Web site: https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/v/vicentedel487283.html

Tina Fey. (n.d.). BrainyQuote.com. Retrieved May 25, 2017, from BrainyQuote.com Web site: https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/t/tinafey145038.html

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This is a weekly email to clients that work with Vital Growth. We ask them to consider it a reminder of content they’ve likely already heard. Our experience is that individuals who keep the content “top of mind” accelerate any changes in behavior they are trying to make. As you might expect, this information is only as useful as one makes it. Read it, re-read it, re-read it again. Practice it, practice it, practice it again. Refresh your take on it every day until it becomes part of your standard approach or you’re sick of it (whichever comes first).

It takes putting these ideas into practice intentionally and repeatedly to be successful. It’s the only way to erase and move on from behaviors that are better left in the past and we all know how easy it is to get busy or distracted and slip back into old behavior habits.

Finally, if you want to add a member of your organization to our mailing list for this weekly content reminder, just email us and let us know their name and email address.

The content this week contains thoughts on important lessons from the successful family business world.

Successful family businesses often start with the premise that hiring, promotion, and performance decisions regarding family members are made using objective criteria–they take as much “family relationship emotion” out the decision as possible. Their goal is simply to avoid letting relationship based bias or favoritism get in the way of what’s best for the organization.

Furthermore, and very importantly, they make sure all family members know this from the beginning, even before they start work. The expectation is stated and clear: Your position as a member of the family is not going to interfere with the best interests of the company.

From the very start, everyone understands that the best interests of the company are the first priority in making decisions and nothing else, not even family relationships, are a greater priority.

These family businesses understand something all businesses should. Bias toward individuals can, sooner or later, get in the way of business success.

The quote:

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“Several companies have explicit policies against cronyism, with good reason. Hiring a family member simply for a relationship can be troubling and may not necessarily serve a company’s interests. But by and large, financial firms in particular commonly hire people who have certain connections, whether through family or a business relationship.” ― Andrew Ross Sorkin

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Andrew Ross Sorkin. (n.d.). BrainyQuote.com. Retrieved May 22, 2017, from BrainyQuote.com Web site: https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/a/andrewross657440.html

The content this week contains thoughts on firing or “freeing up someone’s future.”

The national headlines make this a better week than usual to write about ways to approach the choice of firing someone.

In our view, there are only two reasonable reasons to fire someone (other than for criminal behavior). The first is when they do not meet clearly stated expectations. This is a “performance” based firing. Often, the responsibility for poor performance is shared by management as well as the individual. This is the case when there is a poor fit between role and person or a lack of training or resources to do the job well.

Sometimes, on the other hand, there is a lack of motivation by the employee and this lack of motivation translates into sub-par performance. If this is the case, you’re probably better off walking away than trying to change motivation. While there are no absolutes, if someone lacks motivation and they don’t respond to your attempts to inspire them, they probably aren’t going to become one of your even average performers.

In the end, if expectations are not being met, moving to redeploy or fire someone is a hard but necessary action for the health of the organization.

The second reason to fire someone is because he/she does not share your organization’s values. If someone does not share the values that drive you and is an under-performer, it’s an easy decision to make. Why keep him or her? This is in contrast with the situation of someone being a great performer but not sharing your organization’s values.

In the latter case, the great performance is at the expense of shared values. A common example of this is when someone does their job well but does not respect co-workers and/or customers. The tradeoff here is between employee morale and an individual’s performance above average for someone in their position.

I can say, we’ve never seen an individual’s contribution to the bottom line above average for their role, exceed the cost associated with turnover and productivity of offended employees. Mathematically, one could express this as (Revenue Contribution Above Average for Role) < (Cost of Turnover of Offended Employees + Cost of Lost Productivity of Offended Employees).

While it’s not easy to calculate the values associated with variables like “Revenue Contribution Above Average for Role,” the point, hopefully, is clear. Even top performers in any given role, cannot overcome the cost of their disrespectful behavior (because it inevitably affects multiple individuals).

Please let us know if you have questions. Firing someone, in most cases, is a hard decision, made only slightly easier by being clear about whether it’s for performance issues or values concerns.

The quotes:

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“The single biggest lesson I learned was when a hire isn’t working out fire them fast. My biggest mistakes, and where I’ve seen the worst results, were when I gave someone too many chances, or let a situation drift on for too long because I couldn’t bring myself to terminate it.” ― Cindy Gallop

“We should be firing bad teachers.” ― Malcolm Gladwell

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Cindy Gallop. (n.d.). BrainyQuote.com. Retrieved May 22, 2017, from BrainyQuote.com Web site: https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/c/cindygallo545502.html

Malcolm Gladwell. (n.d.). BrainyQuote.com. Retrieved May 22, 2017, from BrainyQuote.com Web site: https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/m/malcolmgla662351.html

The content this week contains thoughts on anger.

Daniel Goleman, of Emotional Intelligence (EI) fame, quoted Aristotle to add color to his definition of EI. As Aristotle put it, “to be angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose, and in the right way — that is not within everybody’s power and is not easy.”

Aristotle’s quote predates (by a long time) the work of Goleman and others on EI. It also highlights how anger, in the right measure and delivered in the “right” way, is very much a part of communicating to others with emotional intelligence.

Perhaps it’s just my blind spot but it’s easy to think that communicating with EI means never making the audience of your communication uncomfortable. That is not true. Indeed, masking anger or other strong negative emotions is emotionally un-intelligent. You rarely fool anyone about how you truly feel and removing anger altogether robs your audience of important information.

The trick is to modulate your anger to the point where people keep listening and do not withdraw in fear or ignore your distress. Too much anger shuts communication down. Too little anger and your message is easily dismissed. Like the temperature of Goldilocks’ porridge, you need your anger to be “just right.”

The goal of increasing your emotional intelligence is NOT to be like Spock (unemotional). It is to be more sophisticated when communicating so that how you are feeling does not overshadow the content of your communication.

Let us know if you have questions.

The quotes:

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“When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.” ― Mark Twain

“When angry count to ten before you speak. If very angry, count to one hundred.” ― Thomas Jefferson

“For every minute you remain angry, you give up sixty seconds of peace of mind.” ― Ralph Waldo Emerson

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Mark Twain. (n.d.). BrainyQuote.com. Retrieved May 22, 2017, from BrainyQuote.com Web site: https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/m/marktwain125615.html

Thomas Jefferson. (n.d.). BrainyQuote.com. Retrieved May 22, 2017, from BrainyQuote.com Web site: https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/t/thomasjeff132201.html

Ralph Waldo Emerson. (n.d.). BrainyQuote.com. Retrieved May 22, 2017, from BrainyQuote.com Web site: https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/r/ralphwaldo120981.html

Huddle meetings have the ability to maintain focus on the priorities you set. They make accountability easier and provide a forum for repairing relationships that are strained (talking things out always beats allowing grudges to ferment).

Done well, they take 10-15 minutes. Done well, people share what they are working on, what they’ve succeeded at and where they are stuck. They also facilitate setting up a separate meeting to deal with “stucks.”

The ideal frequency depends on your team’s difficulty with accountability. Teams that are relatively new may need daily huddles until all members can be expected to work on their priorities independently. I don’t like to go more than a week between huddles, just the same, in case a “stuck” is left unattended.

Huddles are a powerful management tool. Especially when combined with clear expectations, clearly communicated. Make your life easier by implementing a daily or weekly huddle.